Almost a year since I posted here. I don't know why I stopped posting, but one of my resolutions was going to be to post more. This I shall do, or at least try. Who knows, I'll probably stop posting after a few posts and ignore it again. No one reads this shit anyway.
First and foremost, I want to have a bit of a whine. I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing with my life. I haven't been this depressed in a while. I feel lost and unloved. I'm having trouble sleeping, trouble getting up to do things, trouble basically doing anything. I gained back all the weight I lost, and then some. The only bright spot in my black hole of an existence is my dog, and I"m not sure if he respects me. I'm having a hard time finding any value in myself, and it shows. The course I want to take at college won't be paid for by the government, and I don't have the funds to move, and even if I get the max the government will give, I won't be able to take a course and move and be able to survive. I feel like I should just start walking and keep going til I drop dead.
But I'm not going to. I'm going to continue to try and buck up, and find a reason to get up in the morning. I'm going to keep trying to force my body into a normal sleep pattern, find a job, and make a life for myself. Maybe I'll continue living a menial existence, perhaps I'm never destined for greatness, but everyone is entitled to happiness, I just have to find mine.
